As we approach this weekend’s one year anniversary of the Pandemic Shutdown, I am reflecting on the year we’ve been through and the ways in which as a photographer, it’s been a difficult but sacred journey of finding new ways to honor - through photographs - a ritual that connects children on the cusp of adolescence with their ancestors and with a Jewish community bigger than them. I love, love, love photographing Bar and Bat mitzvahs. They are a blast because they are beautiful, joyful celebrations of kids, Jewish tradition, love, connection and fun. From the serious pictures on the bimah, with the Torah they have spent a year learning to read and to wrestle with, to playful family photographs, to the crazy, wild fun parties, the images that are produced tell a story of who they are, and can be like a loving embrace to a child entering turbulent middle school years - showing them that they are loved by family and friends and by a community that has their back. And with the pandemic, came a whole new set of challenges, disappointments, and new options - outdoor services, Zoom ceremonies, car parades, food trucks and small backyard gatherings. But I’m getting ahead of myself. Let me start at the beginning.

On March 12th, 2020, I clearly remember the barrage of texts and then a long phone call with Lisa Baitch, a distraught, tearful mom, as she tried to decide whether to hold her March 14th B’nai Mitzvah for her twins two days later. The confusion and fear and non-refundable deposits swirled in her head, and she decided to go through with it, safety precautions in place. A day later, the entire country shut down. We’re coming up on the anniversary of that event, and the vaccine rollout helps us see the light at the end of the tunnel. There isn’t, though, any certainty what the coming year will look like in terms of celebrations and gatherings, and I think a lot about what one Bar Mitzvah mom, Cindy Kaplan, said to me after her son’s radically altered Bar Mitzvah: The pandemic allowed the focus to be her son’s learning, and that they were able to “create a service and celebration that fit him rather than fitting him into the box of the community’s expectations of what a Bar Mitzvah is supposed to look like.”

During this year, I had the pleasure of witnessing many such events, modified to fit the times and be true to the spirit and needs of their child. I felt so alive making images, because everything was fresh and new (and personally was grateful to be in a sanctuary for a service, since my own synagogue has still not reopened for in-person services). My hope was to give back beautiful, storytelling images for each family to enjoy for a lifetime. Masked family photos on the bimah, socially distanced group photos at small outdoor lunches, sanctuaries that resembled sound studios with elaborate zoom set ups all scream of this unique time in our history, a year like none other, and will all be part of the unique story that kids becoming Bar and Bat Mitzvahs will tell to their kids and grandkids who will look at the bar/bat mitzvah albums and ask questions. 

First, a glimpse from three 2020 pre-pandemic mitzvahs, including the one on March 14, right on the cusp of the world shutting down. During the pandemic, 18 families held services and way smaller parties than initially planned. Others cancelled altogether and many changed dates, and changed them again. Some held services on the scheduled date but moved the party to 2021. I hold happy memories of each and every bar and bat mitzvah, every one so different from the next. As I look back on a challenging year+, I wanted to offer a collage of images to celebrate how each family marked this important ritual during a pandemic, crossing the bridge of disappointment to something unique, personal and beautiful.

Remember when ALL bar and bat mitzvahs looked like this?

In early June, plans for a large Bat Mitzvah service and party for Jordan (below) at the Inn at Boltwood were scrapped, replaced by a zoom Bat Mitzvah service in the backyard. In attendance were 4 members of the immediate family, service leader Alison Morse, zoom maestro Brian Bender and myself.

After the initial disappointment, her parents reconsidered the whole standard party concept, and came up with what I consider to be one of the most unique decisions I’ve ever heard regarding Bat Mitzvah celebrations during Covid. Large parties come with large price stickers, and with another daughter having a Bat Mitzvah two years after Jordan, they crunched some numbers and decided that instead of spending on two parties, they could use their resources and get an in-ground pool in their backyard that the family and their friends would enjoy forever, not just for two nights! Jordan will have a pool party in 2021, a year after her Bat Mitzvah, and her sister will also have a pool party when it’s her time to celebrate becoming a Bat Mitzvah.

A week later, in Belmont MA, Dora’s Bat Mitzvah was dramatically altered. Until the last minute it was unclear if a service would even be allowed, and when it was decided that yes, it could happen, only the immediate family was allowed into the sanctuary. I had to do family photos outside, as I was not permitted in. In addition to family photos, her Hebrew School class showed up just as she was entering the sanctuary and celebrated her from a distance. Extended family watched from Dora’s house, and young cousins decorated the street for her arrival home, where they enjoyed lunch together.

For Madeline S, there were so many changes. Most dramatic was her Bat Mitzvah was supposed to happen in Israel in October followed by a big party at the Delamar when she returned. When all travel was shut down, and when fears of a Fall spike in the Covid virus raised great concerns, Madeline’s mother moved the date to August for the service, followed by an elegant lunch outdoor at the Delamar with family friends and a handful of Madeline’s friends. The day was beautiful, the setting gorgeous, the food and cake exquisite, and Madeline and her camp friends danced in the large open field and had a great time.

Madeline’s was not the only family to pivot from a large Fall gathering to a more intimate late summer one. In Boston, Cindy Kaplan went from planning a 275 person service and party at a downtown hotel for November, to a tented Bar Mitzvah for 25 in her backyard for her youngest child Micah. When she couldn’t get a deposit refund from the d.j., she used the money to bring in a giant 70 inch tv screen on which the rabbi could zoom in and be larger than life, and distant family members could read their parts and very much be part of the celebration.

Cindy says it all when she says that the restrictions of Covid have let families shift from ‘community expectations of what a bar mitzvah is supposed to look like’ to something more authentic to their child, and meaningful to their family. It was a perfect blend of intimacy and technology, and as the evening was coming to an end, Micah said “Wait, don’t I get lifted up in the air?” Someone found a hora tune on their iPhone, and up he went, followed by his mother and father!

Zachary, scheduled for a Fall Bar Mitzvah, moved his service up to August 22nd, to avoid the fear of a Fall surge, and to make it special they had a two-hour baseball party on the field of the Yard Goats with all of his baseball teammates and friends. A slideshow of his life ran on the large Jumbotron! Even when a light rain fell, Zachary and his friends had a blast!

In Longmeadow, MA, Schneur had his Bar Mitzvah while away at summer camp, but on August 30th, he celebrated with a car parade outside of his school Lubavitcher Yeshiva Academy, and with a family photo session. While waiting with Schneur and his father for the rest of their family, I was doing formal pictures when the dad asked if he could put his son on his shoulders. I couldn’t believe it. It was such a wonderful, spontaneous moment!

When Jacob (below) became a Bar Mitzvah at Beth El Temple in West Hartford on Labor Day (Monday), the synagogue, working in conjunction with the local West Hartford and Bloomfield Boards of Health, had figured out to safely have services with 25 people socially distanced in their small sanctuary. Here he says the blessing over the Torah as Cantor Ness holds the prayer book.

Rabbi Jeffrey Bennett, of Temple Sinai, in Newington CT, is a man of great warmth and joy. During Covid, that spirit hasn’t been hands on, but he’s brought it with him over Zoom, where he leads services from the safety of his home. When Zach had his bar mitzvah on October 17th, it was a family-only affair, with his aunt, uncle, cousins and one set of grandparents in person, another on the Zoom call. When he completed the service, it was a GREAT spontaneous moment when he threw his arms up in celebration of his accomplishment.

Lyla had been planning a May 24th Rosh Chodesh Bat Mitzvah at Congregation Or Shalom in Orange, CT where her older sister had had her Bat Mitzvah, where her parents were married, and where her grandparents are members. It was postponed to October, and the venue was changed to her grandparents’ big back yard where a tent could be set up for the 50 guests. Rabbi Alvin Wainhaus, who’d married her parents and presided over her naming ceremony, led the spirited service on the sunny, but cold day.

Lily had her Bat Mitzvah on October 31 at Congregation Kol Haverim in Glastonbury. A couple of days before her service, she and her family went into the sanctuary to record all of the singing parts of the service, including the chanting of the Torah out of safety concerns for the potential spread of Covid through aerosol particles. The sanctuary has an incredible multimedia set up for the Zoom service with multiple camera angles and a skilled technician running the service that included the cantor zooming in from the Midwest, camp friends, relatives from around the country, and a fun slideshow of Lily’s life.

Completely unique was an outdoor Bar Mitzvah on Abundance Farm in Northampton on November 12th! Talk about a weather gamble! The farm is part of the mission of Congregation B’nai Israel which adjoins it, and also part of the curriculum of the Lander-Grinspoon Academy, that shares a campus with the farm and synagogue. It was a big change from the family’s original plan, but the pandemic also offered a silver lining of sorts. Tal’s mom Nili explains:

Right after the service, box lunches of sandwiches and tomato bisque were handed out to guests to take home. A couple of hours later, as klezmer band Burikes played in the parking lot of Congregation B’nai Israel, a ‘car parade’ extended the celebration. Family friend David Seidenberg arrived with a large circular rope, with knotted handles every six feet, so that a socially distanced hora could happen. And then spontaneously, Tal was lifted up on a chair by family and friends. At night, a dozen family members had a dinner together, and extended family and friends zoomed in to raise a l’chaim and catch up. Nili’s parents were also celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, and were presented with a cake that had their wedding photo on it. They were married in Iraq and emigrated to the US when Nili was a child.

Madeline V. had moved her Bat Mitzvah from April 2020 to November 14th, with plans for a small backyard hot chocolate party in the backyard. When Covid numbers started to rise and parties were limited to 10 people, the date changed again for the party to get it in before the new restrictions took effect. As it turned out, the day turned out to be sunny and 70 degrees, so Ben & Jerry’s came with an ice cream truck instead of a hot chocolate truck!

Pre-Covid, party planner Vicki Ross (https://plan-itvicki.com) had initially been helping the family plan for a large celebration for the original date. When it became clear that even the new date was not an option for something large, she helped Madeline and her parents move through their disappointment to create something celebratory, safe and special.

Abby became a Bat Mitzvah at Beth El in West Hartford, on October 17th, and while her family had to postpone her party until late 2021, they wanted the day to feel special and had a luncheon with family and a few friends at Gillette Ridge Golf Club, with games and outdoor fun; we also got permission to be on the beautiful grounds of Hillstead Museum, where the party will be in October 2021, to do a fun family photo session.

Noah’s Bar Mitzvah, like so many others in 2021, was moved from the spring, when we were newly shut down because of Covid, to October, when we imagined we’d be back to normal. Sadly, a new normal that involves an indoor party with a d.j. and 100 people is still months away. It didn’t stop Noah from chanting beautifully at Congregation B’nai Israel, but it did mean his party was cancelled. An open house allowed friends to drop by afterwards, and both of his sisters, Anna and Leah, quarantined and traveled from out of state to be with him for the weekend.

When I first met with Jessica’s family (photos below), I was so moved to hear that there would be 4 generations of the family present. FOUR GENERATIONS!! Jessica and her sister, their mother, grand mother and great grandmother. Yes, that moved me to tears.

Tamar and Tuvia’s garage was transformed into a library and beautiful setting for Menachem’s mid January Bar Mitzvah on Saturday morning (technology free, of course) and Zoom celebration after Shabbat ended. The following day was family photos outside and time for fun on the trampoline in temperatures that were in the teens.

Sometimes a mom calls and you just know you’re a fit! Such was the case when Faye’s mom Kimberly called me to see if was free to do some family photos and photograph the service at Temple Sinai in Newington a couple of weekends ago. I hadn’t met them in advance, which is very, very rare for me, and I loved the first impression of this glamorous, sophisticated, poised young woman in her white suit.

As a photographer I delight in every event I cover, and I hope this doesn’t sound hokey, but the work I do feels sacred. The photos mark a moment in a young person’s life where they’ve just accomplished a huge task and are surrounded by love and connected to generations and generations of ancestors and shared tradition. They are a link in history, a G-d wrestler, a new adult member of their community.

During Covid, the Bar and Bat mitzvah services I attended were also my only connection to any in-person synagogue activity because my own synagogue has only operated via Zoom. When I wasn’t taking pictures, I sat in the back, closing my eyes during the beautiful chants, my heart open. I felt a connection I’ve so deeply missed with my own Jewish community these past 10 months. I cried during some of the dvars and parent blessings. I was moved when grandparents, and even great grandparents walked up to the bimah or appeared via Zoom on the large screens in the sanctuary.  My parents weren’t alive when my daughter had her Bat Mitzvah, and it was a loss I felt so deeply.

As the spring makes its warmth and hopefulness felt this week, and as CT and MA approve gathering for 100 inside and 200 outside, there might slowly be a return to what was once considered normal. On the other hand, there has been great beauty and meaning in the smaller gatherings during the pandemic - a simplicity and intimacy that worked for many of the Bar and Bat Mitzvah boys and girls, who had never been too keen on being the center of attention. For them, it was easier for to savor time with a few friends and some cousins than to be the center of attention in a large darkened venue with blaring music and strobe lights. Don’t get me wrong - I’m looking forward to the return of big parties, the energy of large horas, party games and crowded dance floors (and of course the chicken tenders from the kids buffet area!!), but I have cherished the uniqueness of each of the events I’ve photographed during Covid and how they authentically reflect the kids and families. Going forward, I wonder if they will influence a trend towards smaller parties, or if, as the Roaring 20s followed the Pandemic of 1918, we’ll see a crazy rush to large!